Holding it Lightly
The powerful mindset shift that can help you build weather challenges
As a leadership coach, I notice a common pattern among my high-achieving clients: the tighter they grip their goals, the more stress they experience when things don't go as planned. That's why I often gently ask them how they might "hold it lightly" instead.
Yes, I know it sounds like something straight out of a therapy session or a mindfulness retreat. Bear with me—behind this admittedly new-agey phrase lies a practical tool that even the most pragmatic leaders find valuable.
"Holding it lightly" means approaching goals with a relaxed, open mindset—acknowledging the possibility of change without becoming overly attached to specific outcomes. This powerful mindset shift can transform how you handle challenges and disappointments in today's unpredictable world.
What it doesn't mean? Caring less. Instead, it means caring wisely, with room for flexibility, discovery, and ultimately, greater resilience.
When you hold something lightly, you can aim toward an outcome without becoming so single-mindedly focused that you miss signals pointing to new opportunities. This slight detachment allows you to:
Adapt quickly when circumstances change
Recognize alternative paths to success
Maintain composure during setbacks
Preserve your sense of identity when plans shift
Find more enjoyment in the journey
I experienced this firsthand this month when my husband and I had to pivot on a significant project we'd been planning that likely no longer makes financial sense. While disappointed, my ability to "hold it lightly" enabled me to reset quickly. I didn't let the outcome define my worth or identity.
The challenge often lies in the meaning we attach to our goals. When you link your self-worth to achieving specific outcomes, you naturally add pressure and intensity to the process.
One client recently prepared for a board presentation and realized they had inadvertently made the meeting a referendum on their adequacy in their role. By recognizing this pattern and holding the experience more lightly, they are able to approach future presentations as a conversation about a familiar topic rather than a high-stakes performance. The result? Lower anxiety, greater enjoyment, and ultimately, more success.
Three Steps to Hold Things More Lightly
Recognize your attachments: Notice when you're gripping tightly to a specific outcome or making it mean something about your worth.
Question your narrative: Ask whether the meaning you're making is, in the words of author Tara Brach, "real but not true." Our minds create stories that feel authentic but often aren't accurate.
Shift your focus: Move from focus on outcome to focus on process, from judgment to curiosity and from perfection to progress.
Reflection Questions
What meaning do you attach to reaching or missing your goals?
Where in your life might you benefit from "holding it lightly"?
What possibilities open up when you release your tight grip on expectations?
If this concept resonates with you, I recommend Tara Brach's book "Radical Compassion," which explores her RAIN method (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) for working with difficult emotions and limiting beliefs.
